Cleaning Chicks

I came across this a couple years back and saved it under my 'schedules/chores' folder. I happened across it again today and once again got a good laugh from it. Any of these sound familiar?

THE MANY VARITIES of CLEANING WOMEN

The Midnight Madness Method
Ladies, this is no sale. Midnight Madness refers to the late nights some women endure so they can wake up to a clean house. Unfortunately, she tends to sleep in late, wake up to a mad rush, run the kids to school in pajamas, and come home in time to wake up the toddler (who stayed up late, too). The day doesn’t really start until about 10 A.M., and there’s no time for her to catch her breath (or a quick nap) until the kids are in bed…at which time she spends the rest of her energy putting the house to bed.

The Saturday Super Cleaner
Saturday is a special day, and not just because it’s the day before Sunday. In a Saturday Super Cleaner’s household, it’s the day that each family member wakes up to a list of chores that must be completed before playing can begin. This scenario can quickly become a nightmare (Windex on the cat, Ajax sprinkled down the hall, etc.), but she lives through it week after week with the distant hope that the children will grow up and she’ll be the proud recipient of praise when a lucky spouse realizes what a tidy treasure he or she has found!

The Anti-Cleaner
The Anti-cleaner doesn’t live on any sort of schedule—not for eating, or sleeping, and definitely not for cleaning! She’ll admit messes do happen, so when she’s motivated by the sheer necessity of spilt Kool-Aid, she grabs a mop and cleans up to a two-foot radius of the spill. This way, she gets to the entire kitchen floor about once a month.

The Hormonal Housewife
The Hormonal Housewife needs to be in a certain emotional state of mind to get some real cleaning done. Luckily, this happens on a monthly basis. She allows the boiling lava of her frustration to erupt into a fit of dusting, vacuuming, and scrubbing. The family members quickly recognize the “don’t bother me; I’m cleaning” look and are obliged to hide in the dark corners of the storage room for a while. Just give her a little elbow room and a lot of chocolate and she’ll be back to normal about the time the house starts to shine like the top of the Empire State Building.

The Company Crisis Commander
A ringing doorbell is the most common reason the Company Crisis Commander is called to action. She turns into a drill sergeant and barks orders, “Stacks of books go in the cupboard, dishes in the oven, and Sammy’s science project (or was it his lunch?) in the dishwasher!” Meanwhile, the unsuspecting guest waits on the front porch up to five minutes before being ushered into a very tidy front room by a very sweaty family member.

Holly Hobby
Yes, Holly Hobby is still around. She can’t think of much else to do with her spare time. Look at her calendar! Monday: laundry. Tuesday: garbage. Wednesday: dust. Thank heaven for Sunday or she’d never take a day off! This woman might be found enjoying an evening polishing china or reorganizing a closet. When you ask if she’s done anything fun lately, she might mention washing walls or taking the car to the carwash.

The Toddler Tornado Type
If you are lucky as to have passed through the toddler stage at your house, you can skip this section or read through and reminisce.The mother of a Toddler Tornado has no choice. She'll sweep and mop the kitchen to find crumbs less than five minutes later.

She'll vacuum the back seat of the car to find it crushed-cracker-encrusted by the time you arrive at the airport ot pick up Grandma (who happens to be the Meticulous Machine type). Somehow, these Moms can't simply walk through their home without noticing ten items that need to be picked up, wiped off, or washed.

The Meticulous Machine
The Meticulous Machine scrubs, scours, and sterilizes on a schedule! No dish is left in the sink longer than an hour, no clutter is left on the floor, and there are cleaning chores assigned to every day, week, and season.
There is no such thing as spring cleaning in this household because the blessed event goes on year-round! You might recognize her by the twitch in her left eye as she watches a child tramp mud through the house.